Narcissism

What is Narcissism?

Narcissism is an obsession with one's own thoughts, feelings, and image.  This is not to be confused with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is a clinically diagnosed mental health condition.  The word derives from Narcissus.  In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a hunter known for his good looks.  He fell in love with himself one day after discovering his reflection in a pond of water.  After not being able to separate himself from his reflection, he died of thirst and starvation.  His unhealthy obsession with himself brought us to the term we know now as narcissism.

A person described as narcissistic usually hurt people through their selfishness.  They redirect issues, events, situations, and stories back to themselves during conversations.  Everything is about them, what they think, and how they feel.  They may be close family members such as parents, spouses, or siblings who may go years abusing their targets while making themselves look like the victim of the abuse.  Their presence at a public event may turn into an opportunity for them to be seen, heard, or validated.

Biblical Principles to Narcissism

Narcissism is not a word we see in the Bible.  But, at the root of it, narcissism is a demonic spirit.  Paul notes to the Ephesians that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens (Eph. 6:12 NET)."  While the influence lives in the mind, the struggle lives in the spirit.

While narcissism is a demonic spirit, research and Scripture both suggest that it started by natural causes.  Research shows a strong correlation between narcissistic behavior and childhood trauma while Paul preached that "the spiritual did not come first, but the natural, and then the spiritual (1 Cor. 15:46 NET)."  Demonic spirits love to use past abuse in the natural to keep a stronghold over us in the spiritual.  As a result, narcissistic behavior sometimes acts as a shield against abuse, sort of an "I am not going to let this happen again" mechanism.  This is part of why it is important for us to be practitioners of forgiveness.  Forgiveness serves as warfare against demonic spirits aiming to use our past against us and keeps us aiming toward the peace promoted in God's Word.

Peace is a warfare agent against narcissism and the best weapon in your response to it.  Jesus preached that "if the house is worthy, let your peace come on it, but if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you (Matt. 10:13 NET)."  We may not be responsible for the cause somebody's narcissistic behavior, but we are responsible for our response to it.  And our peace depends on our response.  It is not our job to diagnose or cure somebody of narcissism; it is our job to control our response to it.  And the best response to narcissistic behavior a Godly response.

The Godly Response to Narcissism

The Godly response to narcissism is no response.  The goal of a narcissist is to do one thing - cause disruption.  You will not defeat a narcissist through arguing or fighting with them.  Smart comments and "low blows" are a waste of your time.  Narcissists do not care about the argument; they care about the destructive attention they are getting from the argument.  And while they will make you want to hurt them, hurting them physically will not stop them.  They come from abuse, so physical abuse does not affect them - it feeds their behavior.  It will simply give them something else to say about you and something about which to victimize themselves.  So, save yourself some energy, sanity, and a trip to the alter by giving the Godly response - no response at all.

Good News and Encouragement

The Good News about narcissism is that the Bible has already exposed everything that we need to know about it and how to respond to it.  We are in the Hands of a Wonderful Counsellor - a Counsellor Who has told us and, more importantly, shown us how to respond to behavior meant to kill, steal, and destroy our peace.  We can choose today to keep our peace.

By: Minister Micah